In the beginning, there was a kernel of knowing that you needed to be brought forth into the world. But there was also much fear and doubt to overcome before the trust that brought you into existence was located.

Through that trust and love, you burst forth into being as a tiny seed. As you have grown, these last nine months, doubt & fear have visited often and it has taken work and presence to regain trust in the knowing that this is, and YOU are, meant to be. You, on the other hand, have known this from the start.

Will I be enough for two? This is the question so often on my mind when I allow myself to wallow in doubt. Can I maintain the presence and patience with two that I am capable of with one? When I am tired and overwhelmed, I know how easy it is for me to lose touch with both presence and patience. And yet, these qualities feel essential to the way I want to raise these two precious children. They feel central to my ability to continue to cultivate the creative, contemplative, joyful way of life that we’ve forged as a family so far.

I do not set out to create an impossible standard for myself, but to name what it is that we have created and that I long to maintain, with the addition of you, little unknown one. We have built a sweet world together, your papa, big brother, and I, and so much love awaits you and your entry into it. When we are grounded in trust, we all know that you will be folded into our world and we will find our way through the challenges and joy that will inevitably be a part of our new life together.

I am in the final days of pregnancy now, in the throes of the unknown – waiting, waiting, waiting for a sign that the time for your arrival has come. This whole journey is so wild and mysterious — growing you inside me; waiting for you and my body and the forces of nature to decide when the process of labor and birth will begin; not knowing what time of day labor will start, how long it will last, or what it will look or feel like; and then meeting you – a new and nearly unknown member of our family who we will love instantly and enormously.

It is all too much for the mind to comprehend. My heart can feel it, though. And when I rest in my heart, I feel completely at peace, without fear, and ready.

From that place, I call you forward, little one. I am ready when you are.